Interview with Denise McAlister, Sexual Health Advocate, on Living With Herpes

Hi. My name is Denise and I am a trained teacher with a qualification in Sexuality & Sexual Health from DCU. I am passionate about reframing how we view STIs within society, taking every opportunity possible to open conversations about sexual health and reduce the shame and stigma attached. I created the Instagram page @letstalkstis to speak openly about my experiences of having genital herpes & warts & to hold a safe space for others to share their STI stories. When I’m not talking about STIs I love anything hygge, The Simpsons, gigs & blasting Bob Marley whilst cooking!

What is herpes?

Herpes is a common viral infection caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). There are two types, herpes simplex 1 (HSV-1) and herpes simplex 2 (HSV-2). HSV-1 is most commonly known as oral herpes or cold sores and HSV-2 as genital herpes although both types can be found in both locations.

How do people get herpes?

Herpes is transmitted through direct skin to skin contact with the effected area such as kissing, oral sex, genital to genital rubbing, vaginal and anal sex and sharing sex toys. To dispel a common misconception herpes cannot be transmitted through objects such as clothes, towels, toilet seats or cups.

How common is herpes?

The shame and stigma surrounding sexually transmitted infections such as genital herpes can make us believe that they are something that happens to ‘other’ people and are in fact not common at all. Although in reality WHO estimates that globally HSV-1 affects 67% of people under the age of 50 and HSV-2 affects 11% of people aged 15-49. Due to the nature of the virus herpes it is more common in people with vulvas than people with penises.

What are the symptoms/side effects of herpes?

Most people who have and pass on the virus do not know they have herpes due to the virus’s asymptomatic nature. If symptoms do occur this can happen days, months or even years later. Common symptoms include blisters or ulcers on the genitals, bum or thighs, unusual discharge from the penis or vagina & discomfort when urinating. You may also have flu like symptoms or swollen glands in your groin.

What are some tips for ‘managing’ herpes?

Once you have contracted the herpes virus it will remain dormant in your body & can reactivate causing reoccurring symptoms such as blisters or sores. This is often called ‘outbreaks’ & can be shortened by taking antiviral medicine. If you do experience reoccurring outbreaks it can be useful to keep a diary to note their frequency & have an awareness of what may be triggering your symptoms. Triggers can include friction in your genital area i.e. during sex, or wearing tight clothing, alcohol, smoking or unavoidable triggers such as menstruation, stress or generally feeling unwell.

What advice would you give to someone who has just been diagnosed?

Tell someone you trust. Often when you are first diagnosed you can feel that you are the only one in the world with herpes, this is partly due to the silence and stigma surrounding the infection, but you are not alone. It is common to feel overwhelmed therefore it can be really beneficial to talk about how you are feeling. Be kind to yourself, practise some self care & realise that having an STI does not define you. Once you feel ready, educate yourself about herpes from quality resources which will give you the confidence to continue to have the sexual experiences you desire.

What advice would you give to someone who has just found out their partner has herpes?

Appreciate that they have shown a lot of vulnerability in disclosing their status. Irrespective of how you have found out take the time to process this info as this can be unsettling at first. When you feel ready start an open conversation with your partner to talk about how you both feel. You may not feel ready to do this straight away & that’s ok. There are lots of common misconceptions about herpes so it can be helpful to read some quality information so that you know the facts. Visit a local sexual health centre to book an STI screening & plan your next steps.

Any recommended reading/watching/following in relation to living with herpes?

Accessing quality & neutral info re. herpes can make a huge difference as to how you feel about your diagnosis. Please, I know its difficult but stay away from Google as you are not guaranteed factual info & it can lead to worry & stress. Depending on where you are located begin with your national health services & sexual health centre websites. For more specific info re. living with herpes start with these: @letstalkstis @thestiproject @safe.slut @positive_results_us @positivelypositivepodcast @hsvinthecity @herequeerandhsv @honmychest @kellmara_ @iamrukiat @comfortableinmyskin_

Service	Duration	Cost
Standard Session	1 hour	€50
Student* Standard Session	1 hour	€40

*A valid student I.D. must be presented.