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Interview with Tatyannah King, Sex Blogger, on Spicing Up Sex

Tatyannah King is an international speaker, sex educator & sex blogger. She is also a graduate student at Widener University studying Social Work and Human Sexuality. Her expertise on sex & relationships has been featured in various digital & print publications around the world. She ultimately plans to become a sex therapist to help both singles & couples with concerns surrounding sexual dysfunction & desire discrepancy. To read specifically about her sexual experiments she does to spice up her life, check out her latest posts on Buzzfeed!

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’10 Ways to Spice Things Up in Bed!’ – we have seen this on countless magazine covers growing up! But what does ‘spicing things up’ really mean?

Spicing things up means adding novelty, adventure and variety. This can mean a variety of things. Spicing things up can include partaking in sexual activities that someone hasn’t done before, sexual activities at a new location, incorporating a different position, etc.

Why do you think spicing things up is important?

Spicing things up is important because over time, we naturally get into the habit of sticking to a typical routine when it comes to sex. It’s easy to go through life facing so much stress outside of the bedroom that you begin to put fresh, pleasurable experiences on the back burner. That’s why it’s good to shake things up every now and then, so there’s at least somewhat of an element of surprise.

Is it just folks in relationships who can spice up their sex life?

Not at all! Anyone regardless of their relationship status can spice up their sex life.

What might be some barriers to keeping things fresh – why might sex go a little ‘flat’?

If you’re trying something new, it’s fresh and exciting, but it still comes with a lack of experience, which can lead to more awkward moments than originally anticipated.

So, where do we start?

One thing I’ve noticed not only about couples, but people in general is that they’re more willing to communicate naturally when there’s a sense of anonymity. Because of this, I’m always an advocate for role-playing outside of a sexual context first to discuss desires. For example, if you’re watching a sexually charged movie then ask your partner how they feel about the sex scenes. Then proceed with pointing out the parts you’d like to replicate with them.

Any more tips?

Couples can use sex toys to experiment with edging, a form of teasing in which a person is stopped from reaching orgasm right when they’re on the edge. Not only does this allow more time to explore each other’s bodies, but it helps each other become more open to viewing sex toys as an accessory for longer-lasting sex.

Three most important things to remember when it comes to trying something new?

Relax. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to do what you think you “should” do to spice things up.
Get inspiration from others. Feel free to replicate sex challenges, sex scenes from Netflix shows or try new things based off sex bloggers write about online.
Have fun! This isn’t like a chore to scratch off your to-do list. It’s a time for exploration & fun!

Any recommended reading/watching/following/listening in relation to ‘spicing up’ sex?

I recommend reading a 2019 study called “Broadening your horizons: Self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships”. The researchers of the study used the self-expansion theory as inspiration for examining how novel activities with a long-term romantic partner can reignite feelings of passion from the early stages of a relationship.

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Disclaimer

This service is fully limited to Sexuality Education. All advice is given in an honest manner and as guidance only. By using this service, you agree that you make your own decisions, relying solely on your discretion; any use you make of such answers, advice or services is at your own risk and ‘Grace Alice Sexuality Educator’ cannot be held responsible or be liable for any damages or losses resulting from your reliance on such answers or advice.

What is a peer-to-peer support session?

Firstly, let us start with what the session is not! I am not a practicing sex therapist, sexologist, medical professional, psychotherapist, psychologist, counsellor, or mental health professional. Therefore, I do not provide medical advice (although I may recommend that you seek guidance from a medical professional if appropriate) or a therapy service.

Sex & Relationships Education is a separate field to these professions, and I employ my own unique approach based on my qualifications, training, and experience. I hold an undergraduate degree in Occupational Therapy and a Masters degree in Health Promotion. I have over six years experience working as a Sex & Relationships Educator and have undergone continuous professional development and training. I also studied empathy education as a UNESCO scholar, which informs my approach. Details of my qualifications and training are available on my LinkedIn page – please see the ‘About’ page also!

Within a session, I offer a confidential and safe space for discussion of various issues relating to relationships and sexuality. I strive for a relaxed, informal vibe, where you can chat about something that you have been struggling with. I can offer a friendly and non-judgemental listening ear, suggestions on how you can approach your own personal situation, general information on the related topic(s) and details of relevant professionals, support services and organisations (usually in a follow-up email). I can accommodate sessions relating to many topics relating to relationships and sexuality – including but not limited to body image, sexual communication, consent and boundaries, protection, anatomy, vaginismus, porn, STIs and STI stigma, healthy and unhealthy relationships, gender and sexuality, pleasure, arousal, desire, infidelity, break-ups, dating, and more.  I want my clients to feel relaxed, comfortable, and free to talk without fear or shame, like they would with a very close friend!

How does a Booking work?

In a nutshell, you can contact me via the booking page on this site and request a booking. If I decide that a session with me would be a good fit for you, I will contact you and arrange a time and date!

Here is the pricing for sessions;

ServiceDurationCost
Standard Session1 hour€50
Student* Standard Session1 hour€40
   
*A valid student I.D. must be presented.  

Please note that the session must be paid for in full at least 24 hours prior to the session, using the payment method and details I will provide to you in an email. If you do not have PayPal, we can arrange another form of payment (Revolut or bank transfer – please factor in the extra time it will take you to set up an account if needed or the possible delay in bank transfers, this may slightly affect the scheduling of your session).

Due to the nature of this service, I cannot offer any refunds for any reason during or after a session.

However, if you have paid and can no longer attend the scheduled session, I can offer you a full refund if you notify me of the cancellation at least 48 hours beforehand. If you wish to reschedule, please notify me at least 48 hours before the time of the scheduled session, and we can work something out!

Am I guaranteed to have a session?

Imay choose not to do a session with you if I feel that I am unable to offer support or education relating to your situation. I will contact you to let you know if I have decided that my service is not a good fit for you, and I will offer some suggestions regarding more suitable professionals/organisations/services to contact.

Although we may chat about lots of different things during a session, if someone has clearly not been truthful in the booking form about the topic area that want to discuss and appear to have an ulterior motive in booking the session, I may choose to end the session. The same rule applies to a situation where someone is clearly not who they have stated they are in the booking form. 

I cannot offer sessions to anyone under the age of 18 years. I may choose to ask you to present a copy of a valid form of I.D. if I feel that confirmation of age is needed. Requesting to book a session indicates that you are aged 18 years or over, and that you are being truthful in disclosing your age.

If I feel that someone is being disrespectful, offensive, or inappropriate, and I feel uncomfortable, I may choose to end the session. I may also end the session if I believe that it is being recorded.

Is it all confidential?

Y

es! Confidentiality is essential to a service like this and I will do everything in my power on my end to protect it.

Here is what I will do on my end; I will abide by GDPR guidelines and make every effort to keep all personal information relating to sessions safe. Booking requests and emails with a form attached/included will be retained for no more than 1 year. The form may be printed, and I may take notes before, during and after the session either by hand or typed. Forms, notes, and USB key will all be stored in a locked file safe in my home office. All forms and notes (hard and soft copies) will be deleted and/or destroyed after one year.  I will send you a Zoom Meeting ID and password before the session using the email address you have given me. I will use headphones and will be alone in a private space during all sessions. All  records of calls and video calls will be deleted after one year.

Please be mindful of what you choose to share within the session. I have an obligation to break confidentiality and report to Tusla and/or the Gardaí any disclosures of child abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse and other crimes.

Here is what you must do on your end! You must not screenshot, record and/or distribute any part of your session. It is also your responsibility to protect your privacy as much as you like on your end. This may include keeping your phone password-protected, using a non-identifiable email address that does not include your name, deleting correspondence, making sure you have a private space for your session where you will not be interrupted or overheard, etc.

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