Wow, I want to hug you. You have so many hardships to face, and you will get through them with more power and grace than you thought you had. That’s what I came to tell you. You are powerful on your own, and you do not need a relationship to complete you.
One of the messages you received growing up were that until you had a man, you weren’t worth a whole lot. So you went through school, always achieving (another message being you were never enough or doing enough, always lazy), but also always devastated that males largely ignored you. In reality, this could have been a time to work on your own self esteem and self image, but instead you took the rejections to heart, always feeling ugly, insecure, and unwanted.
In college you will find an interested boy on your first day! And 5 years later, you marry him and follow him to a place you didn’t want to live to for his job. You lose yourself trying to keep everyone around you happy, and guess what? Eventually your soul rejects this.
You will come to learn that your reaction to this move is a clear sign to trust yourself and follow your own destiny. You do not need anyone else to complete or define you. Listen to what your gut says and you will grow into a powerful woman who attracts all kinds of happiness and goodness into her life. It isn’t easy, but it is rewarding and you will never be alone.
Love, your future 34 year old self.