My darling younger self,
Ah sweet kind funny darling you. I love you, so much. You have no idea how truly lovable you are. Really, it’s true, I promise you, you’ve never been good at lying have you, well then, believe me, you never do learn to lie, and so I’m here to tell you, truthfully, you are so lovable and full of love.
I know that no one ever says these kind of things to you so you’re going to feel really embarrassed and won’t know what to think, it’s ok, you can believe it, you should be told that you are wonderful and told that you are loved, and hugged, every single day, I’m sorry that’s not how our family is.
Things are always tight money wise at home and Mam and Dad never get on, I know that’s really tough and sad. I know you wish that there could be a lot more of the happy times when everyone is in good form. Best thing is to savour those happy days though, enjoy the times when everyone is at ease, really pay attention to everything that happens then, you’ll really like those memories in the future. They will remind you that there were good times too when you were growing up and that’s important. I like to remember you when you were happy, it makes adult you really happy.
There’s something else I want to say to you that is really really important. Please read this carefully and let it sink in, this is good advice for you in future years!
Firstly – the way Mam and Dad are with each other – that’s not what a good relationship is. It’s not ok to shout and argue and belittle, and follow that with what seems like days of icy silence. It’s not ok that you are so worried that Dad is going to leave because they fight so much and you hear him threatening to. It’s not ok that you are scared of them both because of how they are when they are angry with each other and with all of you. I’m so sorry that it often feels like you’re living in a home full of never ending tension and sadness and anger.
A good relationship between parents is one where both people speak kindly to each other, talk through disagreements in a calm and thoughtful way. A loving relationship is one where both parents are happy and affectionate towards each other. A good relationship is one where people respect each other, never lie, one where both people always have their partners best interests at heart.
A good relationship is NOT the ones you sneakily read about in those Mills and Boon books either! I love you that you are brave enough to read them but they give you the wrong ideas about relationships too!
Those guys seem all handsome and powerful but wow they really mess those women around don’t they? They aren’t always kind and they are useless at talking about how they feel – it’s so important to be able to talk about how you feel, you’re going to be really good at that in the future and you should expect any person you date to be able to do that too!
So – don’t settle for anything that seems like Mam and Dads relationship, don’t allow anyone to shout at you or make you feel afraid, don’t be sharp and judgemental when those you care about make mistakes, don’t be impressed by guys who look good but can’t hold their temper or can’t be trustworthy or don’t tell you how they feel about you. You sweet darling girl are worth so much more than that, stay soft but don’t let people treat you badly. Walk away from people who don’t treat you kindly and lovingly, they don’t deserve you.
There’s more to say, for now this is a good first letter to you, I know this will all make sense to you clever girl, I so wish you’d received this letter when you really needed it. I love you, you’re so brave, I wish life was happier, it gets better. xxxx