TW: Brief reference to violence.
Hi 21-year-old T!
Here is your 30-year-old fantastic self, writing to you.
Don`t you think for a moment that was easy to write this letter to you. Even harder was everything we went through, in order to realise that all our versions were/are awesome.
You are now 21, and 6 months ago you thought you have met someone nice. To be honest, he is not, but for at least 6 years he will make you feel as if he is the greatest one and you have to work you arse off to try to be worthy of him.
Sometimes you will be afraid to be punched in the face while he`s punching the wall because he is angry. Sometimes you will accept to be called ugly, fat, and useless because he has to justify his own flaws putting you down. Sometimes you will miss work because you have an anxiety or panic attack after finding out that he cheated on you one more time. Sometimes you will miss friends’ events because he will call you a slut for being with them. So many other things will happen, and you will feel small and unworthy. Do you know what? You are not, and you will find this out.
Today we are 30 and we have learned not to be ashamed of our body, ideas, and voice. We also learned that all of this happened to us because we didn`t love ourselves enough, but now we do. All the times that you thought life would be better if it were over, are over. Today we realise that we wanted that life over, and we did it. We love our life, BTW!
Today we found love. We know now that true love is generous, patient, friendly, light & easy, partner, and many other things you never had before. Now we see that we used to say he was awesome because we wanted to believe that. Maybe speaking out loud would make things more real, right? Don`t blame yourself for these things, T. The real friends will stay by your side; the voice of creativity and freedom is there too (and you will find it back); your dreams to travel the world and tick some boxes are coming because your determination and perseverance of being happy will win.
I can`t put in a letter all the things I would love to tell you. But to summarise, love yourself! That is the key to be happy. You don`t have to be married and with kids by 28; You are better of single than with someone not worth it; true love and happiness will only come to our door, once we found out we always had these 2 things inside us. It was there all the time, we just had to look closer.
Your amazing self, 9 years ahead of you.